


Steve's Lullaby

by thewolvesintherain



Series: South Carolina [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Is there a tag for invasive brainwashing?, PTSD, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-04-08
Packaged: 2018-01-18 14:09:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1431358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewolvesintherain/pseuds/thewolvesintherain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Steve finds the Winter Soldier, there's still a lot of work left to be done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steve's Lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> Based on no small part on this post, (http://adathranduil.tumblr.com/post/81906671186/adathranduil-the-next-captain-america-movie) and this one (http://adathranduil.tumblr.com/post/81915268642/i-think-it-would-be-rly-nice-if-we-had-ace-bucky) talking about Bucky after Steve finds him.

They put Bucky in the room at the end of the hall, the one that’s catty corner to everything with a stunning view of the ocean out of a bay window, Clint and Sam making up the bed, finishing with plumping up the pillow and a few duvets. Clint tells him, “I’ll go out to the stores tomorrow and get him some nicer things, for him, but for right now, this’ll do. “  
He lets Bucky borrow some of his clothes too, though it’s all too small in the leg and too tight in the chest. Bucky doesn’t say much, the entire time, while Steve dresses him and pulls his hair back in a loose ponytail.   
They tip Bucky into the bed, Steve drawing soft blankets over him and setting himself down on the side of the bed, telling him, “I’m right here, okay Buck?”  
Bucky doesn't answer, but he does look at Steve, calm for a long minute, before he closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep. 

He wakes screaming three hours later, Steve there almost immediately, gripping his shoulders tightly, and whispering into his hair, a constant mantra of, “I’m here, I’m here. I’m right here, Buck.”  
He felt his body relax almost against his will, the sound of Steve’s voice providing him something to latch on to, finding his best friends shirt and clinging, hard. He feels one of Steve’s huge hands beginning to slide up and down his back, and remembers, in a short flash, a camp outside of German borders, the smell of fire and gasoline, someone holding him just like this, against his chest, while the doctor looked him over, whispering the same things.   
He manages to croak, “Steve.” And then, “Zola? Where’s -where’s Zola?”  
He must be around somewhere. Zola was the one, the one who did this to him, the one who took him apart and put him back together wrong, and if he’s not careful, if he doesn’t watch it, he’ll do it again.   
He tries to stand up, to get back, get away, because it all makes such sense now, this isn’t real, can’t be real, Zola must be watching him for somewhere, getting ready to hurt him again.   
Steve grips tighter for a minute, and his panic skyrockets, before he is suddenly released and scrambles backwards, thudding against the floor hard, before slamming to a corner and staying there, reaching around for something, anything to try to save him. 

There’s a very bright flash of light, and he yelps, slapping his hands over his eyes as Steve swears and someone else’s voice, quietly, murmurs something else, before disappearing back to the kitchen.   
Someone’s trying to get closer to him, talking to him gently, and he keeps shaking his head, keeps snarling away, because Steve’s not really here. This is a trick they’re playing, or a comfort from his shattered mind, it’s not real. And the less comfort he takes from it the better. 

Bucky’s completely gone at this point, curled up in as small a ball as he can make himself, rocking back and forth, his head hitting the wall every few thumps.   
Clint had taken one look at him and said he’d be right back, but right now Steve is just trying to get him away from the wall, and he slides behind Bucky, so that those sharp thumps are coming against his chest instead of the wall, then moves him into the position he’d seen Sam use with a friend of his before, back against his chest, arms crossed, rubbing across the front of his chest to try to get him to start breathing evenly again.   
He also does what all the books say, and what Sam does, murmuring, “You’re in South Carolina with me, Buck. You’re safe. You’re fine. Zola’s gone. He’s dead, Buck. He’s not going to hurt you anymore. No one’s gonna hurt you, Bucky.”   
Bucky grunts, starts slamming his head against Steve’s chest, trying to move him, whispering, “I’m not – you’re not real. It’s just – “  
It breaks Steve’s heart to keep hold of him like this, but he’s honestly frightened about what might happen if he lets Buck go. He thinks back, tries to remember anything at all that helped when Bucky first came back from HYDRA, before thinking back to that first night, when he couldn't even get Buck to hold still long enough to let the doc look at him, much less try to sleep.   
He hums a little, under his breath, some old tune, and rocks them both, back and forth, trying to soothe him without getting him riled again, and as he begins to hum the song Buck’s father used to sing to him, all the fear seems to go out of Bucky like a wire without the current, as Buck puts his head down against Steve’s chest and whispers, “Dad.”  
That’s enough to sting right there, but Steve keeps rocking, settling Bucky more comfortably against his chest, letting his best friend reach out for his t-shirt and grip it between his fingers. Something about the fabric must jump start a realization, because Bucky’s eyes flicker for a long minute, before he recognizes him, and his eyes light up, as he whispers “You came.” Quietly, as though he’s afraid someone’s going to hear him.   
“Yeah, buddy. I came.”  
Bucky’s already beginning to fade, all the fear draining the life right out of him, and he sighs as he puts his head down on Steve’s shoulder again, whispering, “Just stay ‘til I fall asleep, please?”

Clint walks back into the room, holding an injector away from his body, and Steve wants to protest, but he tells him, “He’s gotta sleep Steve. He can’t keep going like this. “  
Steve agrees, even though it hurts to press his best friends head closely to his chest, and hold his shoulders, all while whispering, “S’okay Buck. Just going to help you rest, okay?”  
Bucky tries to shakes his head, but Steve’s grip is too strong, and he whispers, “I’m sorry.” As Clint presses the injector gently to the exposed skin on his neck. He obeys when the man tells him, “Do that humming thing again, Cap. That was helping.”  
Steve obeys, and sure enough, the tune seems to calm Bucky, and a little bit of the panic slides out of his eyes as they start to slide shut.   
Steve hopes for tonight at least, there will be no more dreams.


End file.
